Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Many little musings...
One.
The words on the signboard says something to the effect of 'Allah is great'. Nary an eyebrow raised, nor awkwardness. To be devout is expected, and having the faith as a way of life accepted. Now change the object of faith to Jesus Christ, and the air comes to a standstill and walls are built in the mind. It's not fair. Then again, when is life ever fair? Yet, we look for it.
Two.
The I construct. For a sense of how small I am, I think, if I were to disappear from the face of this earth, everything will go on. With or without me. No one is indispensible. Does it matter, then, how I live, and how I choose to be? Perhaps only to myself. So does it matter? Yes and no.
For a sense of how important I am, I remember, someone has laid his life for me and died in my place. I didn't know him, but he saw the worth of my life. That really means something. Does it matter, then, how I live? You bet.
Three.
Advice to girlfriends: Never think that life will be better once you get hitched. That ain't gonna happen. If you can't handle life by yourself, right now, it's gonna get worse. So get off your butt and go work it. You are beautiful and complete as you are.
One.
The words on the signboard says something to the effect of 'Allah is great'. Nary an eyebrow raised, nor awkwardness. To be devout is expected, and having the faith as a way of life accepted. Now change the object of faith to Jesus Christ, and the air comes to a standstill and walls are built in the mind. It's not fair. Then again, when is life ever fair? Yet, we look for it.
Two.
The I construct. For a sense of how small I am, I think, if I were to disappear from the face of this earth, everything will go on. With or without me. No one is indispensible. Does it matter, then, how I live, and how I choose to be? Perhaps only to myself. So does it matter? Yes and no.
For a sense of how important I am, I remember, someone has laid his life for me and died in my place. I didn't know him, but he saw the worth of my life. That really means something. Does it matter, then, how I live? You bet.
Three.
Advice to girlfriends: Never think that life will be better once you get hitched. That ain't gonna happen. If you can't handle life by yourself, right now, it's gonna get worse. So get off your butt and go work it. You are beautiful and complete as you are.
Friday, February 20, 2004
I'm an uncool person doing very cool things. Does that make me cool? No. Does that give me the semblance of being very cool? Indeed.
But I don't want to do. I want to be. Do people judge me by my actions rather than my substance? When you say that I'm cool, are you talking about the things I do, or me? I wonder, how much does what I do reflect who I am? Do the words I type here bare my very soul to you?
In a way, it's true, what is within does show, one way or another. Perhaps ppl get better at hiding the ugly stuff as they get older under layers and facades, but what's the point? The more layers we put on, the harder it is to see ourselves. Come, my friends, let's cut the layers, and reveal the person within.
But I don't want to do. I want to be. Do people judge me by my actions rather than my substance? When you say that I'm cool, are you talking about the things I do, or me? I wonder, how much does what I do reflect who I am? Do the words I type here bare my very soul to you?
In a way, it's true, what is within does show, one way or another. Perhaps ppl get better at hiding the ugly stuff as they get older under layers and facades, but what's the point? The more layers we put on, the harder it is to see ourselves. Come, my friends, let's cut the layers, and reveal the person within.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Because I choose to
Sometimes I wonder if I evaluate myself too much. Dissecting and analysing my actions and responses to people and situations around me. All this in a bid to know myself a little better. How much is too much, you ask? Guess it's all quite relative. Too much, perhaps, compared to some people I know. Yet, surely one can never know oneself too much?
So I found myself helping out at a youth event last nite, joining a group of people who were running a concert at a boarding house, and who were making contact with the young people. My job was to pass out song dedication slips and to make friends with the young people.
It was easy to ask people where they're from, which school they're in etc. But how to move beyond that? Especially when I've never met them before, and both they and I probably have no interest in knowing each other anyway? Best contact achieved: sat and enjoyed talk with a few very friendly indonesian girls, with one asking me to go get dinner. Worst contact achieved: chinese girl sitting in front of me refuses eye contact and moves away to join friends, leaving me alone.
I don't really think it's my thing to do frontline work, even though people tell me i've got what it takes. It's not natural to me, takes tremendous amount of effort, and i'd much rather do backend work, where i know i thrive. Of course I'll do it if given the job without hesitation, but if given a choice between frontline and support, i know what my inclination is, even though i sometimes decide to go against it just to push myself a little.
I can say that I don't like or even hate doing what I did, but is that really it? Or perhaps it's just simply because I don't know how? If I knew how, would I still choose to hate it? Maybe, there is no such thing as hate or dislike, only not knowing how. This would make an interesting and good ending to this piece, but i just realised that is not exactly true too. There are a hundred other things i know how to do pretty well, but i can't say i like doing them either. and there are a hundred other things i don't do very well, but i like doing as well...
This is where the loop starts getting too complicated and i decide to stop thinking. But only for a while.
Sometimes I wonder if I evaluate myself too much. Dissecting and analysing my actions and responses to people and situations around me. All this in a bid to know myself a little better. How much is too much, you ask? Guess it's all quite relative. Too much, perhaps, compared to some people I know. Yet, surely one can never know oneself too much?
So I found myself helping out at a youth event last nite, joining a group of people who were running a concert at a boarding house, and who were making contact with the young people. My job was to pass out song dedication slips and to make friends with the young people.
It was easy to ask people where they're from, which school they're in etc. But how to move beyond that? Especially when I've never met them before, and both they and I probably have no interest in knowing each other anyway? Best contact achieved: sat and enjoyed talk with a few very friendly indonesian girls, with one asking me to go get dinner. Worst contact achieved: chinese girl sitting in front of me refuses eye contact and moves away to join friends, leaving me alone.
I don't really think it's my thing to do frontline work, even though people tell me i've got what it takes. It's not natural to me, takes tremendous amount of effort, and i'd much rather do backend work, where i know i thrive. Of course I'll do it if given the job without hesitation, but if given a choice between frontline and support, i know what my inclination is, even though i sometimes decide to go against it just to push myself a little.
I can say that I don't like or even hate doing what I did, but is that really it? Or perhaps it's just simply because I don't know how? If I knew how, would I still choose to hate it? Maybe, there is no such thing as hate or dislike, only not knowing how. This would make an interesting and good ending to this piece, but i just realised that is not exactly true too. There are a hundred other things i know how to do pretty well, but i can't say i like doing them either. and there are a hundred other things i don't do very well, but i like doing as well...
This is where the loop starts getting too complicated and i decide to stop thinking. But only for a while.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Masterpiece
Imagine a masterpiece
Captured in life
Is pain and death
Is deep and black
Never in song
My glorious art
Our world emphasises too much on being happy, perhaps because it lacks it so much. And it runs away from pain and distress a little too quickly, i think, to it's detriment. A bit of sorrow is good for the heart. Don't run away.
Imagine a masterpiece
Captured in life
Is pain and death
Is deep and black
Never in song
My glorious art
Our world emphasises too much on being happy, perhaps because it lacks it so much. And it runs away from pain and distress a little too quickly, i think, to it's detriment. A bit of sorrow is good for the heart. Don't run away.
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