Life of endless possibilities

Don't you hate it when people simply assume that they know exactly what you're thinking, precisely what you need, and then proceed to hurl their solutions at your face? A formula and chant for every issue under the sun. I admit that I've been guilty of doing that for most parts of my life, and now as I grapple with my life, I realise how grossly inadequate it is. Life is too complex to fit into a box. How can people brazenly declare that they have the solution? Got a problem, well guess what, we've got just the solution for you. Follow steps A, B, C and you'd have the most satisfying relationship in the world. Just because I'm a woman does not mean that I'm from Venus.

I wrote in my previous blog, "The bible states clearly the place and purpose of mankind in God's scheme of things, and someone has very nicely put it as, "To know God and to enjoy Him forever." So if that's what I'm made for, then, the only way I can find meaning is to do just that. Know God, and enjoy my relationship with him. Activities, careers etc cannot give meaning to life."

That is my formula to life for the past few years, and I still assent to that in a way. Yet, I'm also keenly aware that it's something that people around me say, and I'm merely regurgitating that, relying on wisdom past. I will not merely accept answers anymore, and I detest the indiscriminate throwing of solutions. But I will continue to seek and understand. And I know I will find.

"I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who have ever lived. All this greatness, all this potential -- how is it squandered? An entire generation pumping gas or waiting tables; or slaves with white collars. Advertisements have us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. We have no Great War. We have no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We have been raised by television to believe that we'll be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars -- but we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off"
-- Fight Club, the movie.

Yes, I'm very pissed off because I feel as though this whole world is like a major sales pitch, selling me it's major product called The Life. The Great Life. The Fantastically Marvellous Life Beyond Your Imagination. And it tells us how exactly to build that. Come to our supermarket, and simply pick up a basic unit of education and career, and the all important booster called family. Next get a few packs of frozen dreams, and a couple of relationships. Voila!

Yeah, right.

And as I walk along the aisles of the supermarket, I see promoters selling their set of answers to bring us closer to that life. How to be a millionaire! Three simple steps to success! Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus! If not, they sell us hope of attaining that life. If I can do it, so can you! You can do anything if you believe so! God has a destiny for you!

Crap.

I'm having a growing distaste for these, and I think, I'd like to skip the supermarket today, and tomorrow, and the day after...

Even the ordinary have a story to tell. They do, don't they. I'm humbled by this. For ever so often, in my proud elitist manner, I speak of the ordinary as though they are a lower lifeform, to be pitied and even despised. I don't belong to them. Why? Because I see myself has uniquely me, created and designed for a destiny that belongs only to me. And so my life choices, my desires are for something that would reflect that. The thing is, am I that special? Have I simply chosen to buy another reality that the world is selling me?

Truth is, oftentime the choices we make in life is a direct result of how we perceive ourselves and our relation to our world. We see ourselves as the man in the street, we choose to do things as a man in the street. We see ourselves as having a destiny, and in believing so we create one. Does it matter? Does it really really matter? Greatness, destiny, it's all so subjective. Perhaps, it's what we choose to attribute value to, what we choose to see as meaningful.

So many sides to the same story, so many view of the same life. So why should I choose to go a different way, if I can simply choose a different view? Why?

Just mention 'books' or 'library', and many people would start to yawn. But for me, one of my dream jobs was to be a librarian. It probably developed during those years I helped out at the school library as a kid. I loved packing books, especially non-fiction (101.02 ABB comes right before 101.02 ABC). And oh the satisfaction of having a pile of brand new books, meticulously wrapped by yours truly, ready to be displayed on the shelves. The list goes on... Even now, as I think about those days as a school librarian, it never fails to bring a smile on my face. :)

Ah, passion. That is what makes the difference. That is what differentiates the extraordinary from the ordinary. It's the wind that lifts us beyond mere existence to life. It's the potion that turns dreams into reality. (Thanks, Theresa, for pointing it out.)

What is it, then, that kills the zeal and passion in so many? That they no longer pursue anything beyond what others set out for them. That leads them to say precisely this: All I want is to start a family, have a comfortable career, and enjoy life. No fire, no passion. A life that is worse than death sometimes. For what is inside, has already died. Is it that illusion called Reality? Or is it the wound from a failure that never healed? Or, perhaps, we've forgotten? Oh... may we never forget.

Reminding one another of the dream that each of us aspires to may be enought to set each other free. Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Common People

I fear the mundane. I fear being so common that I blend right into the landscape. Nothing to make me stand out, nothing to differentiate me from Joe right there in the corner. I'm not just talking about looks here either. (Though I do admit that there is satisfaction to be gained from surprising people with a new look.) No, I'm talking about wanting a life that is different.

All I want is to start a family, have a comfortable career, and enjoy life.

I've heard this from so many people. Good for you, pal. Oh but may such a fate never befall me. It's gross! Unthinkable! It's... too ordinary. Surely one must have higher aspirations than these?!

And so I dream of going to faraway lands, sharing the gospel with those who haven't heard or experienced it. Is it a calling, or is it something born out of my fear? Somebody once suggested what if God's will for me is to simply stay where I am, and one day raise godly children? I reeled back in horror when I heard it. It's unacceptable! And the thing that makes it so frightening is this: C'est possible.

I don't know how to resolve this. I don't know if there's a need to. Perhaps when the time comes, I will know what to do. Perhaps my dream will come true, perhaps, my fear will one day be something that I want.

But for now, I shake my fists against conformity and refuse a lesser existence.

Sometimes I wonder if I twist my train of thoughts and line of reasoning so that everything fits snugly into that little box which has been formed very much by what I'm taught and what I believe. So subtle that I don't even realise it myself, such that my reason becomes unreasonable, and what I think, becomes more of a repetition of something I was fed, instead of being a product of my mind. It's scary. Very very scary.

I can just imagine this. Somebody feeds me with ideas which I choose to affirm or reject, based on what appeals to me, and not based on objective truth. And I in turn pass on certain ideas to others. Among a group of people who gather based on an affirmation of the same ideas, like a church group maybe, the same ideas get bounced around, and everybody help each other to get firmer in their ideas. If the idea is correct and true, great! But, if based on objectivity, the ideas being bounced around are not true, wouldn't it be like this whole group of people, believing in something that's false, telling each other that it's the truth coz they truly believe so! And thus they feed themselves with a lie and delve deeper into an illusion. It scares me because I wonder, what if?

It's impossible for mankind to heal the world. Our history has testified to that fact, and by the look of it, we ain't moving in that direction. For every event that furthers our cause, there are others that nullifies any good done. We can hope and dream of a better place but, nope, that's not gonna happen if I'm simply counting on humankind. So in answer to my last question, I think it's impossible to find meaning in a futile endeavour.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't every culture or religion have it's own imagery of a utopia? My utopia will come when Christ comes back again, judges evil, and brings about a whole new world and a whole new order of things. The bible states clearly the place and purpose of mankind in God's scheme of things, and someone has very nicely put it as, "To know God and to enjoy Him forever." So if that's what I'm made for, then, the only way I can find meaning is to do just that. Know God, and enjoy my relationship with him. Activities, careers etc cannot give meaning to life. So I guess, to a certain extent, what I do in terms of career shouldn't matter, because my meaning is not derived from that. On the other hand, I also believe that doing something that uses my God-given talents and gifts will give satisfaction, as it allows me to express myself as God has made me to be.

Just realised how the blog before this sounds like something that came out of Matrix. Heh. Then again, Matrix fans would probably stone me for associating my banal thought with the philosophical depth of the movie. Oh well.... and as the bimbo in me would say, "Whatever!"

Read my sister' blog contemplating the meaning of life, which reminded me too of an episode from Dexter's Lab where he dreamt that he, the genius, could not calculate the purpose of the meaning of life. Not only that, horror of horrors, his airhead sister, Dee Dee, knew the answer! In a way, I think this reflects the world that we live in.

The foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of man, and God has chosen the foolish things of this world to shame the wise.

In a world where wealth and success are so idolised, it's easy to think that the only way one could gain happiness is to pursue these things. And so, purpose of life becomes a chasing after mammon, gaining of assets and increasing one's value. And all these based on the misconception that these things give happiness and in turn meaning. Oh how wrong can we be!

Of course, there are many who involve themselves with 'higher pursuits', defending the cause of the poor, the orphaned, the abused. Much fulfillment can be found here, and we see people who give their time and money to make this world a better place. So is this it? The purpose of man is to 'heal the world' and in doing so we can find life's ultimate meaning?

Pictures of Rain
Everytime it rains, I have a picture in my mind. The ideal rain setting.
Here's a little watchamacallit that I decided to write about just before bed yesterday.

Thunder shouts across the sky,
Unleashing his anger as
Cloud pours forth her burden.

What do you see? What do you hear?

Sounds of many raindrops falling
On a thick canopy of trees.
Leaves so heavy with rain.
A lush garden fresh and wet.
A hot cup of tea by the window
As I watch the garden drink in the rain.

Ah, but reality is really another thing.
What do you see? What do you hear?

Harsh rain hitting a concrete floor.
Dirt and grime as they are washed
Off the building.
Dark grey evenings as people rush
To get home after work,
Trying to avoid the rain.

What is reality?
What I perceive with my eyes, so unreal.
What seems so close and intimate exists
Only in my mind.

Which is real? I don't know... then again, does it really matter?
The rain has come, savour it while it lasts.

Have you ever wondered what if everything that you believe in no longer holds true?
How would life be?

If you realise that the goals that you're chasing after, aren't exactly the things you want.
How different would things be?