Life of endless possibilities

Who or what defines me as a person? Do I really have a personality? Or is my whole persona made up of that complicated fabric of the things I encounter and the place that I'm in? I'm a girl, but what makes me a girl? Is it just my physical trait? Or is it something more intrinsic? Or is it simply because I've been raised as one? I wonder. Or perhaps as Eve Ensler might say, "You are your vagina." Right.

I want to believe that I am who I am. The person that I'm born as. The person that I want to be. But the more I thought about it, the more I feel that I am not me. I'm the compound of the way I'm brought up, the place that I'm in, the opportunities that I had, or didn't have and a whole gamut of factors. The person I'm born as may not be the person that I want to be. Even my desires to be something are not wholly mine. This is totally hopeless and depressing.

Ah, but there is the hope of change, you say. But to what? To whom? I just want to be me. But I have no answers to what I am. And to resign to the fact that I am just the result of a whole chain of reaction is at this point probable, but unacceptable.

I have recently accomplished a great feat, travelling together for 12 x 24 hours with a friend. Like what Ming said, it's always an accomplishment if we could come back on the same plane. :)

I didn't think very much about it when Pam and I first decided to go to Japan together. And only halfway through the trip did it dawn upon my ditzy self how scary this whole thing was. Sure, we see each other every week and communicate on the emails and stuff, but spending every waking and sleeping moment together is a whole new level up. We had our down times, and times when we really needed more space. But of course we also had fun together, and it's always great to have somebody read the map when I'm in my bimbotic mode. ;)

I did not do as much shopping as I expected, and ate more carbo than I should have. But what made this trip so worthwhile were the conversations I shared with some of those I met in Japan. There was this late night discussion with Tim and Pam. Oh so thought provoking! And dinner with Alex from the UK, teaching English in Japan. Funny anecdotes of our experiences in Japan, and listening to him and Pam discussing books and politics. Wow. This is a whole new experience for me, because people around me don't talk like that a whole lot. I think I've gained through the conversations in ways I didn't expect, making me realise how little I think about things around me and in my life. So my new resolution would be to read and think more.

I think therefore I am. This phrase has really taken on a new light. :)

"Cogito ergo sum"
-Descartes

How long would you knock at a person's door before giving up?
How long would you let the phone ring before putting down?
How long would you pursue a dream before letting it go?
How long would you suffer before making a stand?

Too long.